My Beautiful Boy...

​My beautiful boy... You came to us quite unexpectedly. Your first family left you abandoned in a dirt backyard and moved away, not ever knowing your fate. A neighbor (and fellow dog lover) knew you were left behind and fed and watered you for a day or two. It was then that our paths should cross. Your friendly neighbor was a good friend of ours and knew we had a soft spot for dogs. We came for you that day and brought you home. We thought our fur family was complete with 1 dog and 1 cat, but after 2 weeks of trying to find you a forever home, you had already found it. 
You and Echo became fast friends, would wrestle and play tug-of-war and even Tommy would get in on the fun by wrestling with you. You became a mamas boy almost instantly, only letting me be the one to snuggle with you. You were my running/walking/hiking/biking buddy, always on the lookout for bunnies and lizards to chase, ready to get in the car and go for a ride at a moments notice. You accompanied us on trips to the dunes, camping in 3 different states and traveled endlessly back and forth across Nevada. You made best friends with Gracie, bonding instantly. You were there for the births of your human sisters; were there with us through the deaths of parents and grandparents, through celebrations and heartbreak and were always willing to give a good snuggle and be a protector. You became a good big fur brother, playing with the kids and always willing to help clean up food messes or accept treats. 
Your seizures started so suddenly not long ago. We didn't know why for so long. Grandpa ran every test we could think of and your seizures were unlike anything the vets had seen. You were so patient with us as we tried different medications to try and stop them. You even loved the acupuncture treatments and the constant love and cookies you received during treatment. When nothing seemed to work, we decided to stop treatments and run one last test. It was then we discovered the tumors on your liver, most likely secondary to a brain tumor. We knew then that there was nothing we could do but make you comfortable. We thought we would have a bit more time together. You had become so tired over the last year, you just weren't the same. No chasing the bunnies or lizards in the yard anymore. Your hearing began to fade and was soon almost completely gone. And going on walks became impossible without fear of inducing seizures. You had seizures daily. And through it all, you still smiled and wagged your tail constantly. We made the heartbreaking decision to help you move on today and leave this crippling body of yours. You laid there wagging your tail even as we said our final goodbyes and you went peacefully in my arms. I hope you know how truly loved you were and know our home is not the same without you. I know you are able to hear again and can run free again without fear of having seizures. Be that big goofy dog you always were and give Gracie a big kiss when you see her. You will always be our Boo Boo. Goodbye for now, my sweet boy, we love you. Thank you for giving us 11 great years with you. See you again one day.

​I wrote this about a month ago as a way to grieve one of our fur-babies.  I wasn't quiet ready to share it publicly (although if you know me, you certainly heard about his passing or the struggles we went through for almost 20 months with trying to figure out what was causing his seizures.  Although things are a little better emotionally for all of us, we still miss him greatly.  I think his passing has been hardest on my youngest and myself. It's so hard as it is to lose a loved one, and now as a parent, to see your children grieve that loss as well, is doubly painful.  Every day gets a little better though. Our Taz will surely be missed, our grief will eventually fade, and we will always have our memories of him.  A friend of mine sent me this poem upon hearing of his passing and I wanted to share it as well. I only wish I knew who the original author was to give credit.

Don't Cry Mommy

Don't cry, Mommy, 
I'm okay! 
The Angels came, 
I couldn't stay. 

God brought me home, 
He loves me, too! 
He said that I can 
Watch over you. 

I know you love me, 
I love you, too. 
That's why I'll do 
My best for you. 

That's my new job, 
To wait for you 
Until you come, 
Here's what I'll do: 

I'll run and romp, 
And play with glee! 
(I'll lift my leg, 
When I have to pee!) 

But most of all, 
I'll guard you well. 
I'm up here watching, 
Can't you tell? 

Think of me, 
I'll hear your voice. 
And know you made 
The perfect choice. 

You saved me once, 
I'll not forget! 
You took care of me, 
But better yet: 

You loved me

I'd also like to share a couple of my favorite dog books.  These have been some of my favorites over the years and I have read some of these multiple times.  Getting lost in a good book is sometimes just as good of therapy as crochet is...

Watchers by Dean Koontz (One of my all time favorite books.  Einstein was our reason for getting our Golden Retriever, Gracie, so many years ago)
The Darkest Evening of the Year by Dean Koontz
A Dog's Purpose & A Dog's Journey by W. Bruce Cameron (These give me hope I will see all my fur-babies again)